The past is a source of both nostalgia and fear for me. The more I try to recall memories from my past, the more frequently and persistently a particular image arises in my mind. These images mostly depict disastrous scenes where blood is spilled or people are injured. Even when I try to suppress these images, they resurface in my mind. These recurring and disturbing images are indicative of my suppressed fears and desires, and they evoke complex and ambivalent emotions in me. For instance, the blood in these images appears warm and pulpy, despite the fact that my body is shown as injured or bleeding. In order to express these confusing emotions, I start to paint the injured body shape and try to convey my sensations through the use of color and brushstrokes. Through painting, I attempt to reconcile my desire to conceal these unfamiliar images with the desire to reveal them to others.

The painting process begins with a human figure, but the image gradually collapses and the color becomes the central focus. The color in the painting is initially vague and hazy, but becomes clearer as the painting process continues. The primary focus of the painting is on the way color is used to cover and obscure the geometrical shapes, and the brushstrokes are revealed after the color. The brushstrokes are not merely a tool to describe the shape, but they are also an independent form of movement that conveys emotions. Thus, the brushstrokes have a dual function of displaying emotions and hiding the shape. However, some brushstrokes are influenced by the figure since the painting originally stemmed from the figure.

Additionally, the brushstrokes that aim to convey movement can blend the colors and blur the clarity of the original color. As a result of this process, some areas of the painting are more visible than others. Initially, the clearer parts of the painting mask the less clear areas, but eventually, the less clear areas become more visible. My paintings reflect the things that I have lost or forgotten. The paintings revolve around these losses and eventually confront them. The act of painting is a way for me to fill the void left by my losses with fake representations.

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